help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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