I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She told me I should be a condom model.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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