It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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