I'm going to jail i love you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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