I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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