my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
