So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize