she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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