In the future we'll all be gay
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
