Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
