I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
