I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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