Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
