Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my being single is dangerous.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
