Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize