I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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