I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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