Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
