halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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