Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In America we eat man semen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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