life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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