she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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