My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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