my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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