Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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