Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
