why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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