whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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