While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
