garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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