no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My bed smells like the plague
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
