I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
