How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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