my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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