Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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