the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
