oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
