I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
