just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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