We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
