new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
