Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
BRING THE BAGELS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
