out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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