Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
