He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I see more hoeing in ur future
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
