I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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