Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
