he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
