There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
