I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
