Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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