Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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