we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
