I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
