I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
