new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize