yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
