i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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