that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
