loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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