apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
