sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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