he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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