ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
