so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize