There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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