I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
